Dear Tweetie: I’m finding it hard to know how much to push the person

Dear Tweetie,

I’m finding it hard to know how much to push when the person I support says they want to do things, but then doesn’t seem to follow through.

They’ll say they want to go out, or start an activity, and then when it’s time they hesitate, get distracted, or say they don’t want to anymore. If I let it go, nothing happens. If I encourage them, they can get stressed or shut down.

I worry that I’m either:

Other workers seem more confident about “motivating” them, but I’m not sure where the line is.

How do you tell the difference between supporting someone to do things and pressuring them?

— Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck in the Middle,

This is one of the grey areas of support work, and a lot of workers struggle with it.

Sometimes there isn’t a deeper reason at all. Like anyone, people aren’t always in the mood to do things. What someone wants to do and when they want to do it can change from day to day, or even across a week.

Encouraging doesn’t have to mean pushing. And patience doesn’t mean giving up.

Some workers find it helps to focus less on whether the activity happens, and more on whether the person feels comfortable, listened to, and supported in the moment. That can look like slowing things down, really listening, and keeping things optional rather than pressured.

When people feel safe and supported, they’re more able to work out what they want and what they’re ready for.

If you’re unsure where the line is, that usually isn’t a lack of confidence. It’s you paying attention and trying to support the person on their terms.

— Tweetie